I dunno I got this thought lately. I kinda have this worries about jobs and workings and life after uni and stuffs. Everything wont be the same anymore. When we get older, there are so many things to take care of. Not that I dun want to, but I just dun like it. U noe when you have to finish your essay about history or whatever project it is in high school that u hate? It feels just like it. You dun like it. But you have to do it. No matter what. U got no choice.
Not that I hate working. I love it. Because I can earn money. But the reality that you have to undergo it everyday, 9 to 5, is just freaking me out.
I used to aspire being a career woman. Ambassador. Diplomat. Spokesperson. Whatever it is. They just look so cool. Sleek. Smart. But mostly they dun have a very happy life. They are married to their job, which means married to the stress as well. No I dun want that.
This thought first struck my mind when I was on attachment. I was glad. I got experience. I earned money. But I lost my passion. I didnt quite enjoy that. I was so lonely. Had to wake up really early in the morning, to catch up the second bus. Then I arrived hall at least 7 pm, leaving me only a couple hours to recharge my mind, have some rest, not to mention visiting friends and those who are dear to me.
When I meet people I really love being with, I felt really rejuvenated. I felt happy for them for their good and worried for their bad. Only by seeing them, talking to them, I felt the happiness I have ever wanted in my life. Suddenly all those dreams about future prospects and stuffs are gone. I felt like I dun really want them. Those things cant give me happiness at all. Yes we do need the job and stuffs to earn money. We HAVE to earn money. We cant be selfish. That’s what one of my friends said. But we cant go on pursuing them. They cant be our first priority. Someday we have to settle down. Doesn’t it feel tiring pursuing all these? Even the most amount of money in the world wouldn’t be enough. And even if we can reach that peak, it cant give us that much happiness as we wished for. Someday we have to stop and reflect. What do we really want?
You know what is really sad? It’s not really when there are nobody you can run to if you have problems. But it is when you dun have anyone to share your happiness with. Or when you feel no one wanted you as you never have time for them. Aren’t you afraid of that?
What is really making me happy is seeing those whom I love, watching my sisters grew up, being the first to run to when my best friends have trouble, being the first to hear good news from them, being the most wanted person to attend their most important events and being loved in return.
I love to love them. But I love it better to be loved.
